Harry James Potter|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Harry James Potter's LiveJournal:
|Thursday, December 11th, 2003|
|Sunday, October 19th, 2003|
|Friday, October 17th, 2003|
|Locked to Ron
( The DreamCollapse )
Harry sat up so quickly it made him dizzy. He was covered in a light sheen of sweat and his breath came in shallow pants. Eyes flashed around, searching through the darkness and reconfirming his position. It was ok. He was in the castle. All that was past him now and it wasn't going to happen again anytime soon.
So why couldn't he bring himself to believe it?
He ran a hand through his hair and sat there, staring down at the tangle of blankets in his lap. This one had been different from the others. This one showed no sign of the dark lord that he had fought, just an evil uprise and mass murder. Maybe if he had stayed alseep longer... but then again, he wasn't sure there would have been much more. At least this time he didn't awake with a searing pain in the thin lightning scar. Those days had ended with the war.
He still felt sick.
He wasn't sure how long he had sat there in the chilling darkness of his room, but eventually he got up, blindly feeling his way out of the room and down the steps into the common room. There he was able to walk a bit quicker, shadow chasing him along the wall as the dim light from the fire spilled across his figure.
Remus. That was his destination.. yet once again he got that uneasy feeling. He hated to wake Remus up. He hated the fact that he felt he needed someone everytime he had a nightmare. It was childish.
And yet he didn't stop. Not until he was in front of Lupin's door. He raised his hand to knock, but froze in mid motion, biting his bottom lip. No, he didn't need to do this. He was fine. Walk it off.
His hand raised again. I don't want to do this. What would he think of me.
Yet this time he felt his knuckles hit the rough wooden door and he took a step back, fidgeting slightly. Good job, now what? What am I suppose to say? 'Sorry to wake you up Remus but I had a bad dream'
He growled under his breath, more at himself then anything, however the noise cut off quickly as a shimmering movement caught his attention, and he snapped his vision towards the door handle.. watching it turn before redirecting his gaze towards the opening door.
|Thursday, October 16th, 2003|
It seemed like it had been a while since he last found himself wandering the darkened solitude of the halls. And in all actuality maybe it had been. He really couldn't remembered.
But he wasn't tired now. His nightmares had slowed, not left, but they were lessening.
However that wasn't what kept him awake tonight, nor was it anything of any serious nature. Just... boredom. Work was no cure, and there weren't very many people left to talk to, despite the fact it wasn't technically that late.. so he thought maybe a walk would help.
Wether it was or not.. he couldn't quite tell. Maybe he would have been better off trying to break through his condition in the common room..
|Sunday, October 5th, 2003|
|Late Nights Wanderings -Open-
Harry wondered briefly if there were any other insomniacs in this school.
Maybe they could start a club. At least he'd have something to do wether then walk around the halls.
Hmm no, he didn't want to run another club again. Too much involved. Maybe he'd just be a member until he could get over this sleeping problem.
At least tonight he hadn't awoken because of nightmares, he just couldn't slow his mind down enough to think. Seemed all he could think about was his parents lately. How life would have been different if they hadn't died. Would he be friends with the same people? Would he still had to have gone through a war? Would they have died eventually anyway? Would he have a dog? Did wizards even have dogs? They had owls and cats and toads. Did they have horses? They had farm type houses in Hogsmeade, they had to have something on them right?
He coughed a little, pulling his cloak tigher around him as he walked. He needed.. he needed some sort of "what if" machine. Then he could find out the answers to everything.
Boy, the things your mind comes up with when you're sleep deprived. Current Mood: Tired//Awake
|Saturday, October 4th, 2003|
( Owl to GinnyCollapse )
Harry yawned as he walked down from the owlery, running a hand through his hair and turning at the bottom of the steps to head down a quiet corridor. He'd been up later last night thinking about everything that had went on yesterday. He was glad he had went, glad he had gotten some things out, though he was slightly dreading that he had told Remus about his time with the Dursleys.
He wanted to go back now though, but he didn't want to take up all Remus' free time. He thought abot just going by himself, but he doubted Remus would like that any better. So for now he'd just have to find some other way to occupy his time in mind.. which was easier said then done.
|Thursday, October 2nd, 2003|
|Monday, September 29th, 2003|
|Sunday, September 28th, 2003|
|In the Halls -Locked to Ron-
Harry had parted ways with Ginny not long after waking up this morning. He grabbed his stuff and headed up to the common room, dropping his stuff off in his dorm before heading down to the library to finish the last of his work for the weekend.
He originally hadn't meant to stay, but he was actually pretty glad he did. He liked spending time with Ginny, and he liked the fact that she was one of the few people who didn't ask questions about.. things. She left the offer open to talk and that was it, though it would probably be a while before he was ready (and comfortable) to share outside of Remus. Even there he was having to push himself to get these things out and deal with them. Though they were starting to dig farther below the surface of the compact field of fears, anxities, past and present, ect. All the stuff he had kept bottled up for 17 years.
However there was still a long way to go and some things he wasn't sure he ever wanted to share. Mostly, his life with the Dursleys. That was a rather upsetting subject as well as an embarrassing one.
He shook his head, trying not to dwell on it for now. He continued down the hall, slowing his pace a little and changing his direction now and then. He really was in no hurry to get anywhere.
|Saturday, September 27th, 2003|
Harry walked slowly into the Great Hall, looking around at the assortment of students. He wasn't sure he really wanted to be here, but he had said he'd come for at least a little bit.
He dropped his hands into his pockets and wandered slowly through the hall, flicking his green eyes back and forth and nodding to a few people as he passed. Current Mood: Eh.. okay
|Thursday, September 25th, 2003|
|Late Night in the Common Room -Open-
Another sleepless night.
Harry heaved a heavy sigh as she dropped down in front of the couch in the common room, leaning his back against the front. Nobody was left, everyone had went to bed by now. Or at least, he hadn't seen anyone. Who knew.
He pulled a blanket out from under the couch. He had made a habit of leaving it there for times like this. He wrapped it around his shoulders, and sat there quietly.. watching the fire flicker and lick the blackened walls. He wasn't sure what it was that was keeping him up tonight. He thought perhaps it had had to do with whathe told Remus the other day, it seemed everytime he brought up a little more.. more flashbacks and nightmares surfaced from under the missing weights.
And unforunately he didn't know what to do about it, and he didn't particulary tell anyone about it. So, for now he merely pulled out his wand, muttering the word "lumos"
and sticking his wand behind his ear as he grabbed the book he had brought down with him and flipped it open.
|Wednesday, September 24th, 2003|
|Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste -Locked to Remus-
Harry leapt up the last few stairs and strolled down the hall, flashing his gaze to the various portraits, nmost sleeping in their frames. He had felt pretty good before, but he felt much better after his run in with Ginny.
He smiled lightly to himself and turned down the familiar hall that lead to Remus' office. He had neglected seeing him for a while now. He wasn't sure if it was on purpose but most likely it was. But tonight he wasn't too worried about breaking down like the last couple times and so he thought it would be safe enough.
He paused outside the large wooden door for a moment before pushing it open. He took a quick sweeping glance around the room and after finding Ron was absent he walked in and sat over on the couch, looking over at Remus and smiling. "Hello." Current Mood: good
|Monday, September 22nd, 2003|
|In the Common Room -open-
Hmpf. Malfoy. He still wasn't sure he believed he could be nice. But he didn't want to think about it right now.
He entered the common room and headed straight up to his room, grabbing a book, a roll of parchment, and a quill before heading back down to finish his homework on the couch. He crossed his legs and rested his book on them, leaning over and scanning his eyes across the small text, occasionally taking notes. Now and then he stopped to look around as someone headed upstairs, watching them disappear into the dormitories before trying once more to truly focus on his work.
It was pointless.
But at least this way, most people figured he was busy and left him alone.
He wasn't sure if that was a relief or a dissapointment.
|Sunday, September 21st, 2003|
|-Locked to Lupin-
He was still edgy after what happened to Snape the night before. He had eventually made it back to the common room, but he wasn't sure he had ever fallen alseep. Maybe for a few minutes here and there, but not much.
He walked briskly down the hallway, taking care not to run into Snape, or anyone for that matter anyway. He didn't want to see anyone. Well, that was a lie. He wanted to see one person. The one person he had ventured out to talk to the night before. The one person he should have talked to no matter what time it was. If he had, he wouldn't be so.. out of it right now.
He didn't even knock when he got to Remus' office. He pushed open the door and closed it a bit harder then he meant to, walking up to his desk and grabbing the edge of it in both hands. "How do you know it's really over!? How do you know they're not coming back?! You thought it was over last time but they showed up again, how do you know it's not like that again?!" Current Mood: nervous
|Saturday, September 20th, 2003|
|-Locked to Snape-
Harry walked slowly down the dark corridor, unaware of where he was going really. He'd had another nightmare and he had thought about going to talk to Remus, but he didn't want to keep him up again. So instead he made a turn and headed down a different hallway, one he wasn't entirely familiar with. Or maybe that was just because, aside from the occasional shafts of moonlight through a secluded window, it was dark.
He pulled his cloak tighter around him, scuffing his feet lightly on the ground and staring at the ground in front of him.
|In the Great Hall -Open-
Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose thumb and forefinger before slowly bringing his hands up to rub his temples. He was tired. At first he thought talking with Remus had helped, and with some things it had, but for the larger part it only brought things to the surface and he had had troubles sleeping the last couple of nights. Between the effort to silence things long enough to sleep and the nightmares he had been having, rest had not come easily and as a result he found himself feeling exhausted. He didn't even have the energy to go down the pitch and practice. He wanted to though, flying always seemed to make him forget about things. He wondered if his dad had been the same way.
He yawned and rested his elbow on the table, cradling his cheek in his palm. He thought about going to talk to Remus, but at the thought of running into Ron he decided against it. Maybe later. For now, he absently picked at a piece of toast and stared at the window across the hall. Current Mood: blah
|Thursday, September 18th, 2003|
|-Locked to Remus-
He couldn't sleep. Talking with Hermione hadn't helped any. It just made the news surface quicker.
And now he couldn't sleep.
He wasn't sure what to do at first. He had layed there and stared absently at his bed hangings, trying to silence the run of things.
He had gotten up and went to sit down in the common room, hoping beyond all hope that someone would be there.
So now.. he found himself walking silently down the darkened corridors, pulling his cloak around himself. He had thought about walking around the grounds for a while, he had dressed in case he decided to, but thought better of it at the last minute. And now, he was standing in front of Lupin's, gazing around the hall and wondering if he really wanted to knock.
He did. He didn't.
He did. Bringing his hand down slowly, he took a small step back, listening to the sound echo down the hall and wandering if perhaps this really wasn't the best idea. Current Mood: awake
|Wednesday, September 17th, 2003|
|The Great Hall -open-
James Daniel Potter.
The name still replayed in his head. Nobody had ever told him his father's whole name. Just James. It was nice to know it all though.
He shook his head, trying to bring his focus back to the book that layed open in front of him. So many things had seemed to happen suddenly. The war finally ending. His best friend being gay. Finally knowing something about his dad.
And he the weirdest.. feeling
when he was around Ginny lately. It was hard to explain. It wasn't bad.. just, different."Hmpf."
He flicked his eyes around the room in front of him before looking back down at his parchment, tapping his quill against the blank paper and connecting lines between the resulting blots of ink.
|Tuesday, September 16th, 2003|
|-Locked to Remus-
All the other thoughts in Harry's mind seemed to have been swept away at that. He hadn't heard mention of his dad in a long time.. no since Sirius had died. Nobody seemed to have time to tell him, or else nobody seemed to know. Sirius had been his best friend.. but he was gone now. He still didn't believe it.. but he was gone. And Dumbledore couldn't know that much about him. Maybe about how he acted in class or something.. but that wasn't personal. But Remus. Remus would know. Remus was friends with him.
A smile flitted his features. In a way, he was nervous, but mostly he was just excitied. He hadn't felt like this for a long while now. Perhaps he'd finally get the one thing he always wanted.
He turned and stopped in front of a large door. This was it. He raised a hand and knocked, before slowly pushing the door open. "Remus?" Current Mood: Indescribable
|Sunday, September 14th, 2003|
|In the Common Room
Harry leaned against the front of the couch, resting on the wooden floor in front of the fire place. He didn't quite know where he picked up the liking of that spot, but he found it was his favorite place to sit.
Ron's letter had unnerved him a little. It had been a while since any of them had said something like that. But it's over now.. it's nothing like that,
he reminded himself as he ran a hand through his hair and waited for Ron.